Some of the things You Learned from Watching The Shining.
1.REDRUM is MURDER backwards
2.Guys in bear suits are usually gay
3.A hotel can make you have a nervous breakdown
4.Never have items that can be used as weapons in a hotel
5.Jack would sell his soul just for some beer.
6. Don't build on top of Native American burial grounds
7. Don't use the elevator - it's full of blood
8. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
9. Most people don't keep spare ignition cables for the Sno-cat
10. Don't kiss sexy women that mysteriously appear in bathtubs in an empty hotel, as they're most likely dead and rotten
11. People who have The Shining gift can sense when there's trouble 1000's of kilometers away but don't know when someone's around the corner with an axe
12. When chasing someone through a maze with an axe make sure you dress accordingly, or you might freeze to death
13. If you are an alcoholic writer with an annoying wife and a weird kid that has an imaginary friend, just leave...leave town, maybe go out east, relax, and have a drink. Write that novel and pay some child support. Do not take them to live at a mountain hotel that is closed for the winter. Some things in life just can't be corrected.
14 Stephen King is very precious about his work, even when one of the best film directors in the history of cinema makes a masterpiece of horror from one of his books he's not happy. He prefers un-cinematic hackwork obviously.
15 Advocaat will remove from jackets with plenty of water being applied by an unctuous toady.
16. If you can't think of anything original and cool to say, simply say: "Here's Johnny."
17. Never stop drinking
18. Ghosts can unlock food store cupboards
19. Tennis Balls are sinister
20. Crazy murderous people are unintentionally amusing.
21. Kids with creepy talking fingers should be avoided at all costs.
22. Bashing someone's brains in is different than hurting them.
23. When a man refers to his son as "The little son of a bitch" it means that he loves him.
24. When you're told not to go into a room, you'd better not, or else you'll subjected to the horror of... The door being locked.
24b. Things are not always what they seem. I think Jack may have had to much of that bourbon from the bar because I don't see how he could kiss some strange woman in the hotel when he should have realized they were the only ones there, or how he could talk to Lloyd and not think this is a bit strange.
25. The best way to correct someone is to chop them to pieces with an axe.
26. Philip Stone is cool. Who woulda thought, based on The Clockwork Orange.
27. Joe Turkel is cool. Who woulda thought, based on Paths Of Glory.
28. Wendy and Danny are gonna love it
29. Wendy is a confirmed ghost story addict
30. jack's credit is fine here
31. the Torrance’s bring baseball bats to secluded Colorado hotels built hills
32. Al work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
33. When two twin girls ask you to play with them, they may expect you to play with them forever... and ever... and ever...
34. Some people shine and some people don't shine.
35. When you hear a typewriter clicking in the next room it means you're not allowed to enter.
36. You can write a book in which you repeat the same sentence over and over, as long as you type that sentence in interesting ways.
37. There's no harm in letting your kid watch a TV program about cannibalism.
38. Whoever loses a race inside a hedge maze has to keep America clean.
39. It's better to freeze to death than to break through a beautifully trimmed hedge maze with your axe
40. Secondhand smoke doesn't harm kids that "shine"
41. Apparently, if you SHINE, you like to have naked women with Afros bigger than their bodies hung up on your wall.
42. Men in bear costumes should not be trusted.
43. If you don't fit through the bathroom window, and your husband is trying to kill you with an ax, take the knife and break the effing window.
44. Wendy likes making sandwiches.
45. Mom did not roll the tennis ball to you.
22. is very hard to beat. Kudos.
46. A Costco-size can of fruit cocktail feeds three people.
47. When taking on the job of looking after an enormous hotel for the winter season, let your wife do all the work while you sit at a typewriter and type the same sentence over and over and over.
48. Someone by the name of Tony could be residing in your mouth right now.
49. Watch out, that hot girl you have your eye on might turn into an old lady.
50. NEVER say "I'd sell my soul for a drink"......
51. When your son becomes possessed by his 'imaginary friend', putting him in front of a TV to watch the Roadrunner is a great way to ease the tension.
52. After locking your crazy husband in the pantry and finding your only mode of transportation destroyed, it is a mighty good time to take a nap.
53. The black guy really does always die first.
54. If Jack couldn't honor his obligations to the Overlook, he would be shoveling driveways in Boulder.
55. There's a difference between Jack being grouchy and him just wanting to finish his work.
56. If you need to vent about your home life, the hotel bartender is as good a person to talk to as anyone.
57. Shelley Duvall has a hard time pronouncing the word "alcohol."
58. "Women---can't live with them, can't live without them" are words of wisdom.
59. She's had her whole *beep* life to think.
60 all work and no play makes jake a dull boy all work and no play makes jake a dull boy all work and no play makes jake a dull boy all work and no play makes jake a dull boy all work and no play makes jake a dull boy
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the risk always lives * who’s Jake?
61. Pink and gold are Wendy's favorite colors.
62. French fries and ketchup are Danny's favorite food.
50. People in bear suits are FAR more terrifying that axe wielding husbands.
51. Apparently, there is no skiing in Colorado during the winter months.
52. Even if you ask nicely, your wife and child will not lay down and let you chop them up.
53. When your husband tells you that he had a dream in which he cut you and your child into pieces, there's no cause for alarm. Simply tell him that "everything's going to be all right" and go about your business as if nothing has happened. Even if he's been acting increasingly hostile towards you as of late and you're completely alone in an isolated location.
64. A dish of chocolate ice cream makes you shine.
65. The guy who hires you to look after a hotel during the winter is a liar. He said it was Charles Grady who killed his wife and kids. You know it was really Delbert Grady who did it.
66. Make sure you're not the lucky son of a bitch who gets to trim those hedges.
67. Your twitchy wife accuses you of attacking your son then suddenly trusts you again and believes it was someone else in the hotel.
68. Don't tell your wife that you almost had sex with a corpse. Just tell her there was nothing in Room 237 - nothing at all.
69. Moldy, cobwebbed skeletons are the life of the party. Mingle with them!
70. Next time, just shut up and allow your husband to bash your brains right the *bleep* in. It might save a lot of hassle later. After all, he allowed you to *bleep* up everything else in his life.
71. When having your crazy husband break down the door to the bathroom you're hiding in, the best plan is to watch it up close and scream a lot. Don't attempt to defend yourself, but if you do, make sure it's one slash of the knife across the hand. Then he'll leave you alone and chase your son.
72. Ghostly bartenders always have the best bourbon.
73. "Correcting your family" is ghost talk for terrorizing them, murdering them, and chopping them up into neat little piles.
74. Wendy Torrance interferes.
75. There ain't nothin' in Room 237. But you ain't got no business goin' in there anyway. So stay out. You understand? Stay out.
76. Wendy is very confused and wants to go back to her room.
77. Wendy thinks maybe Danny should be taken to a doctor as soon as possible.
78. Danny doesn't want to talk about Tony anymore.
79. It could have happened to anybody.
80. The apartment is cozy.
81. Hotels need an abundant supply of Tang.
82. Wendy has a big surprise coming to her.
83. Watch out for twins who ask you to come and play with them forever and ever. They were actually murdered by their dad.
84. Don't open the elevator because its filled with a million gallons of blood for no reason at all.
85. Watch out for dog dressing men performing fellatio on other men with doors wide open...completely terrifying.
86. If you suddenly get the urge to leave the warm Florida sun to go off in a blizzard to a secluded hotel in Colorado, be sure to check around dark corners for lunatics with axes....and for gosh sakes, don't yell out, "Is anyone here?"
87. When you're riding your plastic tricycle around, be sure not to run into dead bodies who want you to play with them.
88. If you're chasing someone through a hedge maze in the bitter cold, and their tracks abruptly stop in the snow, its obvious they've vanished into thin air.
89. Ghosts can actually open up locked doors.
90. Some people shine and some don't
91. If you're locked in a store food closet, there’s nothing better to do than take a nap on bags of rice.
92.Danny's room is perfect for a child.
93.Jack should've brought his own booze.
94. Don’t be alarmed—that’s just kool aid pouring out of the elevator.
95. Carry lube around cuz you’ll never know when you have to squeeze out a window
96. If you’re black then don’t try to help white people—you’ll just be the first to die.
97. Don’t go into room 237
98. Ruuun! B itch Run!!
99) How to cast a movie.
100) How to hide something in plain site so that even if you show it to someone, they still won’t believe it.
101) If your dad unexplainably starts chasing you with an axe, don't hide in a drawer full of pots and pans, FRICKING RUN!!
102) if something is hard to beleive, especially since it happened here, face the facts and accept that it did, and appreciate why someone tells you these things, and understand why their people in Denver left it up to them to tell you
103) changing your jacket before the duck and goose something is very wise
104) a few more minutes is no good when you've had your whole life to think things over
105) when you are chasing someone because you are possessed by demons, and you can't find them, lie and say you're right behind them, and if you give up, it helps to shout nonsense words in the air, then after a good chase, its a good thing to sit in a snow bank and cool down, it eases the tension and relaxes the muscles, side affects may include death and/or being claimed by a bunch of ghosts from the past.
106) never let a woman have a baseball bat!
107) it’s ok he watched it on the TV..
108) the higher you go the thinner the air gets..
109) When riding up a steep mountain road that drops off with no guard rails, you should always let your child ride in the back seat, hanging over the front seat.
110) Delbert Grady's ALWAYS been there.
111) Danny's not a-sposed to talk about Tony.
112) Sometimes a job interview can go too well
113) Doc likes ice cream
114) Jack is going to "huff and puff and BLOW your house in"
115) The random seizures of a despondent child suggest he's perfectly fine and suited to spending a winter in isolation sans medical care.
116) If you are in a haunted hotel make sure you get drinks from the bartender, they are on the house!
117) Never chase your son into a maze, especially on a snowy night; he will make you freeze to death.
118) Black chefs from ski resort hotels like to have naked picture frames on their bedrooms.
119) It's okay if your 8-year-old son knows about cannibalism as long as he gets the information from the TV.
120) Those twin girls really do just want to play teatime.
121) Somehow white mother and child always seem to escape bad circumstances and live.
122) Therefore if you're in horror film always stick with the white mother and child.
123) If Tony knows something he really should speak up.
124) All problems can be "corrected.”
125) A thread can die quicker than Scatman Crothers...
126) You gotta stay regular if you wanna be happy.
127) Spectral bartenders can be a great source of "words of wisdom.”
128) The people in Denver who "highly recommended" an alcoholic with serious wife and kid issues for the job of taking care of a haunted hotel during the winter should be axed (pun intended).
129) Don't steal any sheets or towels from the Overlook hotel. It could cost you your soul.
130) If you're going to bonk naked girls in bathtubs, at least close the door first and put up the "Do Not Disturb" sign.
131) Jack's the kind of guy who likes to know who's buying his drinks.
132) We all have our urges to get it on with men in dog suits, but at least close the door beforehand.
133) Grady WAS the caretaker here.
134) Don't screw with Indians. Build a hotel on their burial grounds and evil ghosts will run wild on you, brother!
135) If your husband is staring at you and your son with his head titled slightly downwards from behind a window, all does not bode well for you (In fact, this could be used for almost any Kubrick film).
136) Jack's idea of living up to his responsibilities is killing his family and the hotel's cook.
137) Grady is racist.......and he WAS the caretaker here.
138) British butlers will politely disagree with you after you accuse them of brutally slaughtering their family then turning a gun on them self.
139) Be wary of women in bathtubs. They'll try and choke your son, and that is not a euphemism for masturbating you.
140) Did I mention that Grady WAS The caretaker here?
